January 23, 2005
JF came by & we went shopping. Went to the dollar store uptown, to buy a lock for the upstairs middle room - so that Ian won’t tumble down the stairs when they stay overnight. A fairly sad scene at the checkout counter. An attractive, plump young girl at the register, & the woman in front of me very thin & small, wearing a sort of ragged, beige trench coat - her hair was dyed a terrible red/brown & the back was in strands, clumps, as though she had forgotten to brush there ... I was feeling a little faint - it was my first excursion out in quite a while - so I wasn’t really paying attention, but the line was taking so long I began to listen. The little woman ahead of me was foreign, although I couldn’t place the accent. She partially turned towards me at one point & I could see that her features were rather pointed - in fact she was so thin her entire body was pointed, a summation of various angles all strung together. She had bought a plain, medium-sized mirror, & was asking the clerk if she had a bigger bag to put it in. The girl said no & tried again (unsuccessfully) to stuff the mirror in the small plastic bag. The woman asked again & the girl again said “no”, this time not very nicely. In was a series of the same question & the same answer ... Finally the sad, thin little woman left, clutching the bag & the mirror. I was next, & as the attractive plump young girl rang up my order, the older woman in back of me began talking with her. They were obviously friends, & they were making fun of the thin little foreign woman. They began to laugh. I left the store feeling as though my initial venture out into the world had not been the experience I had hoped for.
I met JF at a nearby shop, as arranged - & she asked me why I cared so much, about the little woman & the scene at the dollar store. I had no real answer. I had been mainly alone with God & my music & the cats & indoor plants for some weeks, fairly sick with a flu - & now I was again out in the world. I had hoped for continuity & had found none. Usually when in the world, I bring my own little island of Divine Love with me, & today, being out of practice - I had forgotten. I forgot to send angels ahead, I forgot to send everyone Love & Healing - & the events were perhaps the answer to my forgetfulness. The world was not meant to make thin sad little foreign women more sad & confused. This is not what God wishes ... Nor are older friends supposed to encourage young plump girls to treat others without Compassion. No, I forgot to send them all Love & Healing as well as the situation ... So I also contributed. That should have been my answer to JF, although at the time I could not find the words. We should all see ourselves in that mirror, half-wrapped in the cheap plastic bag - or better yet, Christ.
A Mystic's Journal: January 23, 2005
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